Yesterday I said 'I wish I was younger". The response from the person in the room was immediate; why would I say that. Well, here's the thing. There is a buzz term that has attached itself to this generation, namely. "live in the here and now". So a statement that is any other, likely sounds like I am an ingratiate. In reality, living in the past can be a grounding experience as long as one does not sit there indefinitely. Living in the future is essential in order to be as prepared as one can be for what is forth coming. It can also be pleasurable to think about some of your past, and dream and make plans for the future.
"I wish I was younger" was a response to 6 weeks of observing 4 grand children, 3 of which are starting the discussions of post secondary education, careers and life style choices. There seem to be limitless options although each of them are dependent on so many factors; finances, location, academics and interests to name a few. These discussions allowed me to reflect on my own decisions and what led to them. First of all, options. There seemed to be three in my memory, which of course could not be so. But I clearly remember three; [1].flight attendant [I had height and weight in my favour for the requirements [sad but true]. My parents frowned on this option and mentioned that it would be too easy to 'lose my faith' in this career. [2]. Police officer, oh, how many hours did I spend reading mystery novels and imaging myself as a private detective. Here again my parents stepped in and vetoed the idea, leaving me with the fact that should I choose this option, I would be out on my own without a blessing. That was a terrifying thought, so I honourably dropped the option. [3]. Nursing.I seldom entertained this one as even being an option because the mere thought of handling bodily functions left me weak kneed. I was traumatised by accidentally seeing my grandmother nude in the tub, so how could I manage the next step in actually taking care of it.
Upon meeting and gaining a new friend, who was passionate about a nursing career, I moved into her jet stream and followed suit. All giggly and warm fuzzed, we registered and were accepted into the same school of nursing and moved into the same residence, a huge 7 story Catholic affair complete with crucifixes and statues of Jesus....how could I go wrong.
So, here I am, wishing to be young again, and what would that accomplish? First of all, if that was a possibility, I would surely be the same person with the same personality attached to it; a low risk taker, a spectator more easily than a participant, and more content than malcontent. If I had gone to flight school, I would have been pining for home during every shift, tired of the same complaints and taking care of the needs of others in a smaller than deemed acceptable space, plus cleaning a toilet every few half hours. Than there is the police force; my heart is softer than my voice, so, did my parents know my spirit would be damaged and my nights filled with terror? and the nursing quotient, was my career path not suitable for my personality? listening patiently to the endless stories and learning to revere the elderly rather than they becoming an irritant? how often did I not perceive the emergency nurses as being 'the real nurses', the ones who were organised and intense. But in fact, I would have been pushing up against technicalities instead of hanging in with the elderly for the long haul; advocating and supporting in a world of vulnerability and weakness.
So, yes, there are many more options, but really, the core of myself is the same in the next life, not so??
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